pursuit of happiness

sorry boss but really i can't just discuss th movie it made m cry but what i m up to is i don't know.By reading this post you will feel that i am very confused about my life and that is true because at times i don't know what i want from my life.You can see how confused i am, probably the reason is the very answer to the problem of most human beings that, 'What is happiness'?.
And really from last two years when i feel lonely i always kind of introspect and ask myself that,"am i happy". And the answer that is very imminent is 'NO'.
But what's the reason for this, "don't i know what makes me happy or i don't know how to be happy" both the things are quite possible.I am changing, i used to be an optimist but now i am practical optimist with skeptical positive thinking.Now, i have started believing that to me every joy is appended with sorrow. Some will say that i hanker for more but really, "i have always asked for less than one asks for oneself". And most of the things that use to allure me so much, are now just a matter of instance without a circumstance.
I am a fun loving guy(had to try hard to write 'am'),but the jokes which we used to crack 24*7 are now turning me off, now i can't make people laugh, the pun which i used to have has axed away, now i always look at the darker side of situation, my friends are annoyed from me that why we have to say "kuch to bol" on phone.
Today only when i was thinking that i would be going to home day after tomorrow i wasn't fantasized by the rendezvous but rather i was thinking that what i will do after meeting all the people.Now i feel good when i talk to only few good people left in my life. I have no excitation left for watching cricket, diwali, holi et al. I got my most awaited job and then again i was kind of allegedly happy for one day, i now feel like people should say what i want to listen and if they don't then it's very imminent that i will yell n bark at them ruthlessly. And the biggest problem is that most of the time i feel very lonely and i haven't left out even left out parties(which we have very often) from my deal of loneliness,disgusting.And please i don't want to look into my eyes as a person being belittled,can't i be of some use to anyone.
But i have some optimism still left in my 'black' blood which allows me to think that some people are still there who make me laugh,feel together, and valuable.
Today i can remember that i didn't laughed the whole day. But i am sure that the day was really gloomy for me but tomorrow morning it will be all fine and handsome,.......and i will laugh direct from the heart that too with everybody.
cheers everybody to have lighted myself by writing all this stuff.